Progress as of yet? None whatsoever.

She looked at me after I had pinned her, after I had snapped and harmed her.

"And I said I'd help you with the voices right?" That you did. "We can work on it, alright? I want to help you." and I want to believe that you can. This reaction had surprised me for many reasons. Kids in the past that have witnessed my....fits, we'll just call them fits. Anyways kids in the past that have witnessed my fits tend to avoid me afterwards. Any chance of friendship long gone. I would then be avoided like the plague (with one exception I suppose in the form of Katrina).

I found myself wondering how she hoped to help me. Tori could not even begin to understand what it was like. To hear these voices in your head, could she? It is a possibility I suppose, but how? She is not schizophrenic I assume. She does not have any signs of multiple personality disorder, that I have seen anyways. So how then, would she understand? While at first seeming to be rather simple, and easy to read. I have found that my hostess is rather enigmatic. 

Early that morning she came to fetch me from my room or "cave" as she has began calling it. She went about going over many ways one can ignore the voices in their head. The first idea one that I was to work on was....

"Meditation." She stated. I gave her a strange look.

"Meditation? Does that really work?" I asked with doubt clear in my voice. I did not know if something as simple as meditation would work.

She just stared at me. "Are you doubting me?" she asked.

I looked away quickly, blood rushing to my face. "N-no of c-course not!" I said louder then I had meant to. I looked back to see she was smiling.

"Good, now cross your legs and shut your eyes." I did as I was instructed. "Now I want you to clear your mind. It may be hard at first, but it shouldn't be too hard for you." I focused on doing as I was told. I remembered once reading about meditation. I did not know much but I did know that it was said to help if you focused on something, on anything. I chose what people chose most often. I focused on my breathing.

After what felt like hours (in reality it was only about 20 minutes) I felt something change. I opened my eyes to find that I was in a rather peculiar new environment. The sky was blue not a cloud in sight, nor was there any sun. As I stood to my feet I noticed they felt wet. I looked down to notice ripples in what seemed to be water. It felt as though I was standing on solid ground except I could see none underneath the water.

I looked around confused to where I was at. Was this supposed to happen I wondered. No....Tori would have surely warned me. I began walking in a random direction, trying to find anything at this point. There was nothing as far as my eyes could see until I spotted it. It was a mirror. It stood straight up nothing about it was out of the ordinary. I walked towards it, feeling drawn to it.

I could see my reflection in the mirror. Still nothing out of the ordinary it would seem. That was until I saw my eyes. I froze when I saw my rather unusual eyes. They were the same color as always. But they were bloodshot and they contained mirth. This mirth was mirth that only one who had been consumed by madness was capable of having. I took a small step backwards from shock.

"Finally payed me a visit I see?" This other me said. His voice was the same as mine if a bit raspier. Quieter.

"Who.....?"

"Am I? That is a rather simple question with a simple answer my boy. I am you." I was surprised by this answer, he continued a frown finding a way on to his face. "or rather the true you."

"I don't understand."

"I represent all of your true desires. Your need for the hunt, your lust for blood." My eyes widened at this statement.

"B-but I don't l-like to hurt people..." God damn stuttering.

"Oh but you do. You simply repress these urges and from them I was born." He grinned wildly. "You continue to lie to yourself." At this point the grin on his face threatened to split his face.

"Stop..." I begged weakly.

"You remember don't you? That joy you felt....must I remind you?" after he said this I grabbed my head in pain as began to see flashing images.

"Stop..."

"The fear in there eyes."

All I could do was continue begging him to stop.

Skye

"There agony filled screams as you broke each of there bones....." His voice was a mere whisper at this point as I fell to my knees clutching my head.

Skye

"Who will be next I wonder? I can not wait to see. Until next time boy." He chuckled darkly.

SKYE!

My eyes snapped open and I once again found myself in Tori's house. I saw with my wide opens a very concerned looking Tori. "Skye what...?" I tried my best but I couldn't stop them. I felt the tears begin to run down my cheeks. So many painful memories. Ones that I would never forget. I froze when I felt Tori hug me. After a few seconds though I began sobbing again my face buried in her shoulder as she rubbed circles into my back. As I look back at this now I am still terribly embarrassed.

When I finally stopped crying I stood up suddenly realizing what had just happened. I felt my face heat up, she looked up at me.

"Are you alright now?" She asked concerned. I found it a chore to form words at this point. 

"Y-yes th-thank you.....I-I'm s-sorry." Still not looking at her.

She chuckled. "It's fine kid. Sometimes you just need to cry while not fun at all and being the primary endorser of Headaches and Being Really Tired It's unhealthy to bottle up your emotions, ya know?" She frowned. "What happened anyways?" I still refused to look at her. The flashing images came back, all the things that I had done. I shook my head.

I looked down. "N-nothing.." I turned quickly and walked away not wanting to think about it anymore. I walked into my room locking it and collapsed on to my bed. I sighed in frustration. I've been hiding in my room ever since. 

Until next time, the always embarrassed Skye.

Sparklers, explosions and independence.

On this day 237 years ago our country published the declaration of independence from Great Britain.

Happy 4th everybody! (that's all your getting)

Voices

Wonderful, absolutely fricking wonderful. I did it again. I lost control again. I'm sick of it! I thought I had gotten better. I thought I was able to ignore them but....I was wrong. While we were sparring I just.....he was so loud. I couldn't handle it and he took over, next thing I know I wake up on top of Tori. She told me she was fine, that I hadn't hurt her but I know I did. This is why I don't keep friends, because HE drives them away. I don't even know what HE is. Look I don't feel like explaining what happened so here.

Until next time, I guess.

Sparring

I had been reading when I heard a knock on my door. "Come in" I called out quietly. The door opened to reveal Tori. I wondered what she could want. "T-Tori, Is there s-something you need?"  

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sparring me?" I was rather surprised to hear this. I pondered it for a moment as I thought back to the last time I had fought someone. It...it still haunts me to this day. But that was a long time ago....  

I thought that practicing would probably do me good. So I shut my book and sighed. "S-sure, why not?" She seem slightly surprised. She probably hadn't expected it to be that easy. I followed her as we walked out to the back yard.  She stopped and I walked a few yards away turning and facing her as she did a few stretches. I did not feel the need to stretch so I simply waited for her to finish. When she had she stood straight up and looked at me, I looked back warily.   

"Okay Skye real simple, just hand to hand. If you want to stop just tell me okay?" At my nod she continued. "and don't be afraid to hit me, I can take it. Ready?" Another nod from me and she charged forward attempting to punch me in the chest. I was surprised at her speed, she was much faster then she looked. I twisted quickly, the punch missing me by inches. She turned trying to sweep my feet out from underneath me and I jumped back. She did not give me time to recover however and charged again. She began to throw punch after punch. I did not attempt to attack and simply continued to dodge. She seemed to grow irritated, her punches picking up speed. She feinted a punch at my face before striking out with her other hand attempting to strike my ribs. The strike brushed me as I jumped backwards, breathing heavily.  

I looked up at her as she turned. It was easy to tell she was angry. "Hit me damn it!" she yelled, rushing at me again somehow even faster than before. Her attacks were more fierce and were missing me by mere millimeters. I continued to dodge however, still not attempting to strike back. I just...I couldn't. I can't hit a girl! I never have and I never planned to. It just seemed wrong. I was caught by surprise when she suddenly tackled me, I was not able to move out of the way.   

She easily pinned me and I could see anger in her normally dull blue eyes. "If I were trying to kill you, you'd be dead," she growled. Despite the situation I felt my face heat up and I became slightly dizzy. It was then that I passed out.  My eyes opened slowly and I found myself staring at a mask, it was white with a green caduceus split down the middle, the wings covered the eye-holes. I snapped awake at that rolling to the side as a boot stomped down where I once was. I scrambled to my feet and distanced myself from them and took time to examine him/her. They wore a plain looking black hoodie with the hood over their head covering their hair. The also wore a pair of dark blue jeans.  

"And who are you?" I questioned trying to catch my breath. The person said nothing in return, standing eerily still. "What do you want?!" I was met with silence. The masked person simply stared at me. "What are you mute?" More silence.  

The masked person chose this time to rush forward. I was not ready for this and I took a powerful blow to my stomach. I stumbled backwards gasping for air. The person gave me no time to react though and wasted no time, rushing at me once again. Once again I was dodging lightning fast strikes. After a few minutes of this I had finally had enough. The next punch they threw I parried, throwing them off guard. I drew my fist back and struck them in the chest as hard as I could.   

They stumbled backwards and I readied myself for another assault. What I did not expect was pained laughter and a familiar voice. "Damn Skye, that's quite a punch you have there." The person removed their mask and lowered their hood. Revealing none other than Tori. I was surprised, though now that I think about it I shouldn't have been. I should have noticed that Tori had seemingly just disappeared after I had awoke.  "T-Tori? Why d-did you....?" and the stuttering was back, wonderful.  

"I'm sorry I tricked you Skye. I was trying to get you to defend yourself. You can't be afraid to fight girls Skye. When you eventually come up against a girl proxy, which you will, you can't hesitate. Because they won't." She explained.  

I sighed. "No...I get it. It's alright." I stared at the ground not sure what else to say. "D-did I...did I h-hurt you?"  

"Nah, you just surprised me. And you knocked the wind out of me," her voice was strained slightly. She had to be lying with her voice like that. I had probably hit her harder than she'd want to admit.  

I heard her unzip her hoodie and looked up to see that she had ace bandage wrapped around her... torso over top a bright blue tank-top. She had tossed the hoodie onto the ground. "Trust me, this has nothing on corsets," she smirked and her fingers traced around the bandages. "Shit where did I tuck this damn thing in?"

As she grumbled and cursed I examined her arms and shoulders. I mean, I read her post about the scars and everything, but seeing them was different. There wasn't any kind of pattern to them that I could see, just that some were pinker than others. Some of them looked shiny in the muted light, like burn scars.   

"You know you'd be hard-pressed to find a square inch of my skin that doesn't have at least one scar on it," she spoke up.  

I blushed again and looked down at the ground. "S-sorry, I didn't m-mean to s-stare..." She laughed and I looked back up to see her wrapping up the ace bandage easily, in a way that left it completely even on both of the sides.  

"Kid, I'd be concerned if you didn't stare. I didn't exactly go into detail in my post. And trust me, it gets worse the lower down you get." I once again tucked away the irritation of being called kid as she motioned to her legs. "There's a reason I always wear jeans in public."  

"O-oh..." I mumbled. She shrugged and grabbed her hoodie off of the ground. "You d-don't have to c-cover them u-up if you don't w-want to you k-know..." I felt like my face was on fire as I said this. She'd actually been wearing long sleeves and jeans this entire time.   

I was met with silence and looked up at Tori who was staring at me with an unreadable expression. I looked down slightly my face still burning. "I'll consider it when you can say that without stuttering." I looked up my eyes widening slightly to see that she was smirking as she zipped up her hoodie. I could do nothing but stare as she walked back into the house. She looked back at me the smirk still on her face. "You coming?" she asked.

I snapped out of my daze and I sighed, a small smile on my face. "Y-yeah....." I responded quietly and began to walk towards the house.

Better then sleeping in a library

So I've spent the last couple of weeks sleeping in library's. I mean it's better than the streets and I've found it's relatively safe. As long as you're up before the librarian shows up on the morning that is. But a fellow runner(well she doesn't really call herself a runner) was located nearby the city of Annapolis, where I had just happened to had stayed last night. So I asked her if I could crash at her place for a bit and she agreed to let me.

So when I woke up that morning I avoided the librarian and then acted as if I had just got there. I sat at one of the many desks there and began to read, waiting for Tori. I had gotten so in to my book the tap on my shoulder surprised me. I almost jumped. Thankfully I did not, that would have been rather embarrassing.

"Skye, I presume?" I looked up to see a girl with shoulder length ebony hair smiling at me, my eyes met one eye(her other being covered by her bangs). Her eyes were a dull blue, her smile was slightly strained and did not reach her eyes......well eye. I decided to not comment on this and filed it away for later. I noticed that I may have been staring longer than I should of and I could feel my face heat up. In a failed attempt to hide my blush I looked down shutting my book and the notebook next to it and began to pack up.

"Y-yeah, that's me." stuttering is always a wonderful way to make a first impression. "Tori?" I asked. I finished packing my bag, a simple one strap book bag. I stood up holding my book bag. Still staring at the ground. Damnable shyness.

"Correct. The car's outside, we can get going if you want." She was still smiling, her smile at this point was a little less strained.

"O-okay" With that we set off for the car. I took this time to examine her a little closer. Simple enough attire, a plain long sleeve shirt, and jeans that looked a little worn. "Um, can I, uh sit in the back?" I fiddled with the pockets of my pants nervously, still not meeting her glance.

"Whatever you feel comfortable with. As long as you wear a seat belt, you can sit upside down if it makes you happy." She shrugged.

I stopped "I don't think I'll sit upside down...."

"Sorry kid, I say a lot of weird shit and I've been on my own for so long my filter is long gone." I looked at her curiously, slightly irritated at being called a kid, but more curious than irritated. When she looked up at me, I darted my head to the side already feeling my face heat up again. She chuckled at this and opened the door to the drivers seat, reaching back and unlocking the back door. I wondered for a moment how old this car was. It looked fairly new but didn't have automatic locks? I decided to keep my questions to myself though, fearing that I may stutter again.

"The ride back's about an hour long. Feel free to sleep and please inform me if you need to use the bathroom. I'm pretty sure I can find a place pretty quick. I'll keep the music pretty low, okay?" She told me as she started the car.

"O-okay..." I responded quietly. I once again began to examine my hostess, so many thoughts racing through my head. As she looked back to pull out of the parking spot she caught me staring, my face flushed and suddenly I was very intrigued by the floor of her car.

"If you find any change on the floor you can keep it." An attempted joke, I simply remained quiet and turned to look out the window.

I jumped when I heard her voice snapping me out a daze. "I used to live around here, this street coming up on the left in a bit actually, we could drive past where my house was. I don't know if they rebuilt it or if they just left it alone. County government sucks as bad as the lighting grid out here"

"U-um, sure?" I responded questioningly, not looking at her.

I zoned out until we reached the house, what I saw shocked me. She pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. I stared at the house, or the burnt remains of what was once a house. Was this what would happened had I not ran? Would my family be dead now? She seemed to read my mind.

"Skye, I'm going to be honest. This is what happens when you don't run. They make you run. You made the right choice, but you're not finished making choices yet. Okay?" I looked over at her actually meeting her gaze.

"Y-yeah..." I responded, ducking my head down in another failed attempt to hide my blush. It was comforting to hear that though. Since I ran I hadn't been sure I had made the right decision. But now I see that my decision may have saved my parent's lives.

"Let's go." She said with a sigh.

I tried to think of a way to thank her as we drove. I mean, she was inviting a stranger into her home. She was doing something very kind by letting me stay there. So I tried to think about what I could do to show my appreciation. After a while I realized what I could do. I would cook a meal for her. Cooking is one of the few things I can say I'm actually good at. With this mind I asked her if there was a grocery store we could stop at. She told me there was actually one by her house we could stop at. We stopped at the store and she led me in and grabbed a cart. She told me that she would just follow me. I navigated the aisles, grabbing a variety of things. From pasta, to meat, and cheese. Of course I grabbed what no one can live without, bacon.

When we got to the house we had to find a way to fit everything in her fridge. It was interesting, we had to rearrange everything numerous times until we got it just right. I was a blushing/stuttering mess the entire time. I would almost sprint from the room every time we accidentally brushed up against each other. I curse my shyness and my slight fear of the opposite gender. This fears stems from certain.....experiences in the past with girls. I guess I wouldn't really call it a fear, I'm just more nervous around girls then most guys my age. It frustrates me to no end.

After that she gave me a quick tour of the house. This house was MUCH bigger than it had looked initially. I mean damn Tori's parents(god bless there souls) must have been loaded. After we had finished the tour she told me to pick anywhere I wanted to sleep.

"Anyway, you can sleep wherever you want. As long as it's not in my bed it's fine," She shrugged. I blushed at this of course. Damn blushing.

I wandered around the house a little more before choosing a room that was at the opposite end of the house from hers. I settled in and began to read my book again. Dinner time came before I knew it and I wondered into the kitchen. She asked me if I could use some help and reluctantly I told her sure. She was curious as to what I was making but I did not respond when questioned, deciding it would be a surprise.

I would ask her where something was and she would tell me. After I had finally placed the dish in the oven she asked again.

"You gonna tell me what you're making now?" She asked me in a joking tone.

As I placed some butter and garlic powder in the microwave I responded "Baked Ziti."

"Do you read minds?" she laughed, "Cause I swear that's my favorite pasta dish in the universe."

I was slightly startled by this, I turned around and our eyes met again, my blushing came back full force. I turned back to the microwave. It seemed my stuttering had come back as well. "N-no I'm just good at m-making it..."

"Well I think that's awesome. I'll go ahead and set the table, alright?" With that she hopped of the counter and went to set the table. Dinner was quiet. Though I expected it would be. We would ask a question and the other would answer. I tried my best to control my stuttering. Sigh, though it was one failed attempt after another.

After dinner we cleaned up, and I went back to the room I had chosen. I read for awhile before sighing and laying down. With so many thoughts flying through my head one would think I found it hard to fall asleep. I was rather exhausted though and sleep came rather quickly.

I would have typed this up last night but as I stated I was very tired.

This is who I'm staying with by the way.

Well that's it. Until next time I guess.

Short Post

Like the title this is going to be a bit rushed. I'm feeling a bit guilty because I slipped sedatives in my parents drinks, so it should stop them from interfering. I'm seeing HIM more now than ever and I've decided it's best that I leave. For my own sake, for my parents sake, and for Kat's sake. After I upload this I'm going to finish packing, and I'm leaving. I don't know when I'll update again so until next time I guess.

Out of the institution

Oh my gosh I'm finally out. They ran tests on me for weeks. Trying to analyze "my state of mind" or something like that. If I had to stay in there for any longer I would have gone crazy! Oh wait........

Anyways Kat told me she would update for a little while but as I can see, she did not really do that. I guess that makes sense her family went on vacation so she probably just didn't feel like doing it. I'll talk to her about it later today. Anyways I know what I saw was not a hallucination. I mean it couldn't have been. I took all of my pills today and I've still been seeing him everywhere I go. I'm not sure what to do. I would just ignore him until he goes away but I'm assuming that doesn't work. That and I fear with him being this close my family will get involved and I can't have that happening.

So my question for you guys is am I better off staying here or running? Which would give me the best chances of survival?